Your child says: "I am different"

When children or teenagers struggle with their gender or reveal that they are not heterosexual, parents ask themselves many questions. What does that mean? What do they need now? Where can we find reliable help when insecurity and worries about discrimination grow? And, of course, how can we support our child? There are numerous advisory services in North Rhine-Westphalia that provide sensitive support for parents and their children. This overview shows you which contact points there are and where you can get free advice and support.

You may have already suspected it, or perhaps the moment took you by surprise: when a child says "I'm different", parents are suddenly faced with questions to which there are no quick answers. Uncertainty, overwhelm, fear of the unknown or even disappointment can arise. All of these feelings are normal.

This overview aims to encourage you and show you that you are not alone with your thoughts and worries. Counseling doesn't mean you have to understand everything immediately or get everything right. LGBTIQ* advice centers are there for exactly that and offer support so that you can accompany your child lovingly, informed and safely on their journey. The contact points are protected places for discussions and relief. Here, parents and children can find specialized professionals who have experience, listen and help them take the next steps.

The following overview presents specialized contact points in North Rhine-Westphalia.

Parental support is considered the most important protective factor for the mental health of queer children. This is why the state government of North Rhine-Westphalia specifically supports projects and counseling services that also give parents guidance, strengthen diversity and reduce discrimination.

In North Rhine-Westphalia, there are seven state-funded psychosocial counseling centers for LGBTIQ* people and their relatives. The services are also explicitly aimed at parents:

• Information on gender identity and sexual orientation
• Counseling for parents and relatives
• Support for children and young people coming out
• Help with acute crisis management, exclusion and experiences of sexualized violence
• Counselling on family, school, education and legal issues
• Referral to specialist services

For more information, please visit the respective website:

• Queer*Connect, Aidshilfe Bielefeld e. V., Bielefeld
  www.aidshilfe-bielefeld.de, Phone: +49 521 133388
• Rosa Strippe e.V., Bochum
  www.rosastrippe.de, Phone: +49 234 19 446
• LEBEDO, SLADO e.V. Dortmund
  www.lebedo.de, Phone: +49 231 98 22 14 40
• Rubicon e. V., Cologne
  https://rubicon-koeln.de/beratung/, Phone: +49 22127 66 99 90
• KCM e. V. Münster - Verein für queeres Leben
  www.kcm-muenster.de, phone: +49 251 66 56 86
• andersROOM - Queere Initiative Siegen e.V.
  www.andersroom.de, phone: +49 271 53 297
• Lebenslust Mobile Counseling Center Lower Rhine and Western Ruhr Area, SVLS e.V.
  www.lebenslust-beratungsstelle.de

LSBTIQ* specialist centers also address parents with their services. They offer specialized counselling services for families whose children identify as queer, trans* or inter* - or come out as lesbian, gay or even bi- or pansexual. Counseling is confidential and free of charge. Here you can find an overview of the associations and specialist centers in NRW:

There are over 70 meeting places and groups for LGBTIQ* young people in North Rhine-Westphalia. The youth clubs introduce themselves on the portal of the Fachstelle Queere Jugend NRW:

Queere Jugendtreffs NRW

SCHLAU NRW offers educational and anti-discrimination projects on gender identity and sexual orientation. Volunteer teams lead workshops with school classes, teenagers and young adults in which they talk about coming out, prejudices, role models and dealing with LGBTIQ hostility. More information at:

SCHLAU NRW