Setting boundaries lovingly

Children need closeness, security and adults who show them what is allowed and what is important when living together. Especially at the age of one to three, they discover their world with great curiosity. They try out lots of things, experience intense emotions and need people to give them guidance and support. Boundaries then act like a protective railing: they provide structure, create trust and help the child to move safely in everyday life.

In this article, you will learn how you can sensitively communicate clear rules and accompany your child on their path to independence - without scolding and punishing, but with heart and mind.

Children need structure in order to feel safe - especially between the ages of one and three, when they are processing many new impressions and constantly testing boundaries, e.g. when brushing their teeth, playing, getting dressed or tidying up. It is helpful to adopt an attitude that combines closeness and clarity.

So how can you provide guidance in everyday life without scolding or punishing? A few basic attitudes can help:

Small impulses can make a big difference in everyday family life. They help to prevent tensions, set a clear framework and strengthen the relationship with the child at the same time.

• Keep calm and remain patient
  Children sense when adults react calmly - this often has a more calming effect than many words and conveys a sense of security. Your attitude is an important anchor, especially if your child is overwhelmed by strong feelings.
• Formulate positive, solution-oriented messages
  Instead of "You mustn't argue with your little sister", say: "I want you to get along again and find a solution. I'd be happy to help you with that." This will encourage understanding and consideration.
• Enable small decisions
  For example: "We're going to tidy up now. Do you want to tidy up together or everyone for themselves?" This allows your child to experience co-determination within clear boundaries.
• Creating fixed routines
  Rituals such as a lullaby or tidying up together provide structure and make transitions easier - especially in emotionally charged situations.
• Naming positive behavior
  A sentence such as "You waited until I was finished - that was really strong of you" makes successes visible and strengthens self-confidence.
• Explaining connections
  And in an age-appropriate, short and concrete way, for example "We put the building blocks away so that no one stumbles." This helps your child understand that rules make sense and help others.
• Staying consistent - even when it's hard
  If your child reacts angrily or sadly, it can be challenging to stick to a decision. But this is exactly what conveys reliability and security. Your child senses: This boundary applies - and my feelings are still taken seriously.

Children between the ages of one and three are only just learning to recognize and control their emotions. They do not yet have a fully developed understanding of rules - and often act impulsively.

If your child "resists", this is usually not intentional or even malicious. Rather, it is an expression of being overwhelmed, the joy of discovery or a strong desire to decide things for themselves.

Support your child in understanding these emotions and putting them into words. Imagine your child wants to cross the road on their own when you take them for a walk. You hold them back by the hand and they start to scream and try to break away. You could respond like this:
"I can see you're angry because you want to walk alone. But the road is dangerous and I want to protect you. We can walk together." This will help your child to name their feelings and at the same time understand the boundary that has been set.

Parenting can be challenging - especially in those moments when patience, strength and nerves are put to the test. Many parents reach their limits during the defiant phase in particular. The important thing is that you don't have to go through it alone. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness, but an expression of responsibility and care - also towards yourself.