Death of a child

It's probably the worst thing that can happen: When you lose your child through a miscarriage or an early death, your world collapses from one moment to the next. Instead of experiencing the growing anticipation of a family life together, you have to say goodbye. In this exceptional emotional situation, what you need above all are people who provide support.

It is one of the most painful experiences for parents when their child is stillborn or has no prospects of survival after birth. Nobody is prepared for such a situation, which triggers incomprehensible fear, grief, despair and powerlessness. Especially with a child, it is almost impossible to find comforting words to make such a stressful experience bearable. There is no magic formula for dealing with such a situation; every family handles it differently. But accepting help is possible.

If the doctor discovers during a check-up that the child in the womb is no longer alive or will only live for a short time after birth, many important decisions have to be made despite the shock of this news. In this exceptional situation, you should be accompanied by someone with experience of crises who can provide you with human support and guidance on how to say goodbye. Seeing the baby once again and perhaps holding it in your arms makes the grieving process easier. Valuable memories for life afterwards can be a photo or a hand and footprint, for example. You may also wish to have an emergency baptism of the child, which is also possible. You will have enough time, both in a clinic and at home, to say goodbye to your child lovingly and with dignity.

If the child in the womb no longer shows any signs of life, the question arises as to how the child should be born. Some women want to end the pregnancy as quickly as possible by caesarean section. However, this can make saying goodbye and the grieving process more difficult. The midwife and doctor can advise you in this situation as to whether a "still birth" is an option. The birth is then induced artificially. The mother will be given painkillers if she wishes. If the birth is induced with medication, you as parents can help decide where and when the right time for a silent birth is for you. This creates space for preparations to make the most of the remaining time and to say goodbye to your child in peace.

In addition to medical care, the attending midwife can provide understanding support in the first few days and weeks. Some midwives have further training as grief counselors. Midwife support in this stressful situation is paid for by the health insurance company. Close family members and trusted friends are also a valuable source of support during the grieving phase. Do not be afraid to seek professional support in the following period during this stressful phase of your life. Pastoral or psychological counseling can help you to cope with the pain and slowly overcome the powerlessness. Many affected families find it helpful to share experiences with other parents in a similar situation, for example in a self-help group. You can find links to such offers at the end of this text.