Protection from sexualized violence against children and young people

Christa Kortenbrede: This is useful at any time when you are dealing with this topic. Regardless of whether you just have a question or are looking for specific help and support because you suspect that a child may be affected or a child has reported sexual assault. The topic is complex and the most important thing is to take insecurities and possible warning signs seriously and not to remain alone. Together, it is easier to take a closer look at fears and anxieties and to get an orientation for the specific situation. From the smallest irritation to the biggest worry, all inquiries are right with us.

If children's state of mind or behavior gives the impression that something is wrong or that something is bothering them, parents should always respond and show interest and openness to any topic, no matter what it is. Even if young people do not take up the offer to talk directly, it is important that they perceive a genuine interest, a resilience to crisis and an open ear.

If children or young people make suggestions that people are behaving strangely, they should take a calm but sincere interest without jumping to conclusions. What do you mean by strange? Can you describe it in more detail? If a child reports that they have been 'touched', it is important to only ask open questions that don't suggest an answer: Where on your body were you touched? Instead of: 'Did he touch your bottom? You should not ask probing, detailed questions. Just the important ones to understand what kind of experience your child is talking about.

You should also react if there are behaviors or situations by adults when dealing with children/young people that make you suspicious. You should address behavior that you experience as inappropriate without assuming any malicious intentions. If you are irritated or have a 'strange feeling' that concerns you, you can talk to a specialist advice center in confidence without doing too much or too little.

Christa Kortenbrede: The help portal for sexual abuse provides a very good overview. There you will find both the telephone number of the help portal and a search mask with which you can find the nearest specialist advice center in your area using your zip code. You can get initial advice and information about the nearest specialist advice center by calling the help hotline or online.

We usually conduct the initial consultation alone with the parents who would like a service for their child. During the initial consultation, we get an overview together of what is causing concern.

If parents already know that their child has experienced sexual assault, we will discuss how the child can be protected from further assaults and reactions from the accused person and what the child needs first for their mental health. The current state of the parents is also at the center of the consultation. For them, the news that their child has experienced a sexual assault is a shock situation in itself. The aim here is to support the parents in this shock situation and support them so that they themselves can be a stable pillar of support for their child. It is just as important for caregivers as it is for those affected that they have a supportive person at their side when disclosing the violence they have experienced. We then discuss together what next steps are important. The most important step has usually already been taken at this point: the violence has been disclosed and can therefore be stopped.

If parents don't have any concrete indications but have a bad feeling, we look together at what the reason for this is and what can be helpful and protective for their child. Because imparting knowledge, messages and options for action on children's rights and the right to sexual self-determination is always helpful and supportive for children and young people - regardless of whether a specific concern or fear is confirmed or not. It's like having a first aid kit in case of need.

When children/young people come to the initial consultation accompanied by their parents, we talk about who wants a consultation and why. The counselor then describes how a counseling process can be designed to suit the concerns, wishes and needs of a child or young person. Initially, the main focus will be on getting to know each other so that the child/young person can find out whether he or she feels comfortable in a consultation with the counselor.

Children and young people can also contact a counseling center on their own. Counseling is confidential and can also take place without the knowledge of the legal guardians if desired. Counseling can be about anything that the children/young people concerned are currently dealing with, regardless of whether this concerns the experience of a sexual assault and its consequences or the consequences of disclosing an experience of violence or other current life events that - regardless of an experience of violence - are currently in the foreground. In any case, the young person and their current concerns are the focus of counseling.

Counseling at a specialist counseling center is confidential. The parents or caregivers of the child decide for themselves whether and what next steps they want to take. This also applies to the decision as to whether criminal charges should be filed or whether the youth welfare office should be contacted for further support measures.

There is one exception, however, which we explicitly point out at the beginning of every consultation: If we learn of an acute risk to a child and if the person receiving advice is unwilling or unable to do what is necessary to avert this acute danger, even with the support of the advice center, then we have our own protection mandate and would have to inform the youth welfare office of an acute risk to the child's welfare. However, should such an exceptional situation arise, we would discuss this explicitly during the consultation.

We would only have to inform the police in an extremely exceptional situation where we learn of a specific planned crime that is about to be committed and needs to be prevented immediately.

As parents and caregivers contact an advice center to find the best possible way to help and protection for themselves, this exceptional situation is extremely rare, because we plan together which paths are conceivable and possible for those seeking advice and offer support along the way.

There is also a duty of confidentiality with regard to counseling and the content of counseling for children and young people. Children and young people also have a right to counseling without the knowledge of their legal guardians. This is important so that young people who need help feel free to seek confidential advice in any situation.

This confidentiality may also only be broken without the consent of the children/young people if this is the only way to protect them from serious danger. Here too, such a step should always be discussed with the child or young person in advance.

In the event of a concrete suspicion, the most difficult and at the same time most important thing is to remain calm. First take a deep breath and seek support so that you can act calmly. Turn to a contact person who is discreet and level-headed, who will advise you but not act on your behalf. Depending on the situation, there are several things to consider so that possible evidence can be secured or further clarification can be successful. Specialized counseling centers are experienced in this and can advise you confidentially.

A potential criminal complaint should be made quickly but carefully. As soon as you contact the police, it is a criminal complaint that cannot be withdrawn. The police are obliged to investigate any suspicion of sexual assault on children. It therefore makes sense to get clarity first in order to be able to make an informed decision. However, the focus is on responding helpfully to the young person concerned.

If children/young people mention specific experiences of sexualized violence, you should definitely take them seriously. Even if it seems inconceivable to you what they are being told, accept what you have heard and consider the first steps to protect and support them. It is advisable to write down what you have heard as quickly as possible. You should not confront the accused person immediately, but first seek advice and support for further steps. The good thing is that the child/young person is no longer alone with their stress and you don't have to be alone either.

If it is an uncertain suspicion, you should treat it discreetly and take time to consider what has led to this suspicion. With the help of an experienced professional, you can look at it together and consider possible or necessary steps or even see fears in a different light by taking a broader view.

By contacting an advice center, you can take a targeted and calm look at the uncertainties that are already bothering you and share them with an experienced professional. Specialist advisors are trained in taking different perspectives and points of view with you and supporting you in an assessment.

The consultation offers you the opportunity to gain more clarity and ideas for action in a joint exchange or also more confidence in dealing with remaining uncertainties.

If a suspicion becomes more concrete or a suspicion is confirmed, advice centers can advise and support you regarding necessary and possible steps to protect the child and the further clarification and processing process. There are many questions and challenges in such a situation:

• How can I support and accompany my child now?
• How can I talk to my child and what should I talk about?
• Is a medical examination advisable?
• What can we expect if criminal charges are filed?
• What legal options are available to us for protection and for further safety and processing?

Specialized counseling centers are well networked on the various aspects of the topic and can provide you with medical, legal and other therapeutic specialists and services.

A suspicion should not be expressed prematurely, but only if there are sufficiently concrete, provable indications. Suspicions must be examined more closely, but should be treated with the utmost discretion. It is possible that the reasons for a suspicion may not be substantiated, may be refuted or may be explained differently.

If the suspicion/assumption has already been expressed to the accused person and/or third parties, it is important to also inform these persons specifically, comprehensively and comprehensibly about the invalidating findings and to withdraw the suspicion.

Just as the reasons for the suspicion must be taken seriously, the clarifying and refuting reasons must also be clearly stated and acknowledged. The findings should be used to generate lessons for the future for everyone involved.

In my opinion, it offers the most protection when parents provide their children with knowledge, messages and options for action that make it easier for them to confide and get help if someone violates their personal boundaries and disregards their rights.

It is therefore important to empower children to exercise their rights, for example that affection and body contact is only okay as long as it is pleasant for both parties and that unpleasant touching does not have to be endured for anyone's sake. That it is never okay if someone scares or threatens them. That everything that is bothering you can be confided in someone - even if it is embarrassing or forbidden. Words for sexual matters are important, I can only talk about sexual experiences if I have words for them and the topic is allowed.

Tell your children about examples and solutions in situations where they are emotionally torn. We all experience challenging situations where it takes courage to speak the truth or to reject and disappoint the wishes of a loved one. Give your children examples and encourage them how such situations could be resolved and who or what was helpful. Let your children experience that stressful situations can become easier if we share them with someone. Practice and demonstrate your ability to deal with shocking news with the confidence that there will be help, guidance and support in new ways. All of this increases the chance that children will recognize injustice and be able to get help.