Desire to have children in rainbow families

There are various ways for same-sex couples to fulfill their desire to have children. Lesbian couples usually realize their wish with the help of a sperm donation from a sperm bank or from a private donor. Male couples have a more difficult time. One common way is to take in a foster child. The options in detail:

Sperm donation

Lesbian couples can fulfill their desire to have a child with a third-party sperm donation, either from a private sperm donor or with sperm from a sperm bank. The women either carry out their own insemination using the so-called cup method or resort to medical assistance. Legally, however, the situation is complicated. If children are born into the relationship of a lesbian couple, the co-mother is not automatically the legal mother. Instead, a stepchild adoption is necessary. The role of the biological father also needs to be clarified: what rights and obligations should, will or can he exercise?

Adoption

The chances of homosexual couples being able to adopt a German child are very low, as only a few children are given up for adoption in Germany. In contrast, there are a large number of couples willing to adopt. An alternative is to adopt abroad, which can be arranged through a recognized adoption agency.

Foster child

An alternative to adoption is taking in a foster child. Foster families are urgently needed in Germany. This is also an option for homosexual couples who are not married. The difference to adoption is that the child continues to have contact with its biological parents. A return of the foster child to the family of origin cannot be ruled out, even if most foster children remain in the foster family until they are adults. It should be noted that foster children can present particular challenges in terms of upbringing, as they often come from difficult family backgrounds.

Adoption of a child from a previous relationship

If a child from a previous heterosexual relationship is brought into the rainbow family, the co-partner can adopt, provided the other biological parent gives the child up for adoption.

Multiple parenthood

There are also family constellations in which more than two people decide to share responsibility for a child. For example, if a woman has a child with a gay couple or a lesbian and gay couple want to share responsibility. However, there is currently no legal basis for co-parenting in Germany. More than two parents are not legally possible.

Surrogacy

Surrogacy, i.e. the carrying of a child by another woman, is prohibited in Germany. This ban also applies to heterosexual couples.

If a child is born into the relationship of a lesbian couple, the person giving birth is always considered the legal mother. The wife or partner must adopt the child by way of stepchild adoption in order to become the legal parent and gain custody. The youth welfare office must approve the adoption. If it is a private sperm donor, the donor must also consent to the stepchild adoption. If the sperm comes from a sperm bank, the consent of the (anonymous) sperm donor is not required.