A Construction Site in the Brain

Where on earth has my child gone? My sweet daughter has turned into a moody brat, and my dear son is throwing wild parties with his friends. These drastic personality changes during puberty are caused by a massive restructuring of the brain. Here you can read about how this “construction site in the brain” affects adolescents’ thoughts, emotions, and sensory perception—and how you can support your child through puberty.

The brain develops rapidly in infants and children. Depending on environmental influences, connections form between the two halves of the brain and between nerve cells. And that’s far from the end of it. Starting around age eleven, the brain begins to optimize itself: the nervous system undergoes a profound restructuring. In the process, the brain streamlines its functioning: It prunes unused connections between nerve cells and strengthens those that are frequently used. These restructuring efforts cause a great deal of chaos in the brain—and can make it seem as though you barely recognize your own child anymore. Even though the restructuring process may seem chaotic, it serves an important function: During maturation, connections form between the nerve cells in the brain—the neural networks. These networks develop based on your child’s experiences and what they learn.

The frontal lobe, which organizes and structures thought, is affected by these changes for the longest period of time. During this time, it is, so to speak, out of commission. As a result, this area of the brain is unable to adequately control social behavior during puberty. The consequences: teenagers’ moods swing from “ecstatic” to “deeply depressed,” they lack control over their own impulses, and sometimes even experience outbursts of anger. While the control mechanism is temporarily suspended, the brain’s reward system constantly craves the “happiness hormone” dopamine. This means that adolescents have a huge need for reward and recognition. Most important to them is validation from their peers. Their willingness to take risks also increases—especially among boys. The natural “internal brake” that protects against dangerous behaviors such as daredevil stunts or drug use does not yet function properly.

Many teenagers not only find it difficult to control their behavior and manage their emotions; they also often struggle to organize their work as well as they used to. In some cases, they are unable to plan their actions effectively: they forget to do their homework or fail to prepare properly for the next test. As a result, academic performance may temporarily plummet while the brain is undergoing these changes.

The brain does not fully mature until around the age of 20

First of all, you should try to understand what this “construction zone” in your child’s mind means to them. This will help you be more understanding of their behavior, which can sometimes be difficult to tolerate. Eventually, the turmoil in their mind will subside, and you’ll see that your patience has paid off: at the end of this process, you’ll have a young, mature person standing before you.

Here’s how to support your child through puberty:

• Provide your child with structure and guidance through a regular daily routine and your support.
• Make sure they get regular and sufficient sleep as much as possible. This is especially important during this challenging time!
• Don’t set the boundaries too tightly: Give your teenager the opportunity to explore their limits and overcome challenges.
• Show your child that you’re there for them no matter what happens and that you trust them. 
• But also make it clear that your child is responsible for their own actions and must face the consequences (for example, cleaning up after a wild party).
• Share your concerns with your child—for example, regarding drugs or dares. This shows that you care about how your daughter or son is doing.